Yours Irreverently October 2016
Modern ways #1
I was visiting my daughter last night, when I asked her if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said, 'we don't waste money on newspapers. Here use my iPad.'
I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him.
Modern ways #2
In the English lesson...
Teacher to pupil: 'Okay Sarah, what's your sentence with the word 'Contagious' in it?
She replies: 'Our neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch paint brush, and my dad said it will take the contagious.'
Punctuation is powerful
An English professor wrote the words: 'A woman without her man is nothing' on the chalkboard and then asked the students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: 'A woman, without her man, is nothing.'
All of the females in the class wrote: 'A woman: without her, man is nothing.'
For the rugby morose...
Rugby is a simple game... For eighty minutes, men run up and down a field, and in the end,
The All Blacks win.
Tweets of the month
@MarikaSboras: 'What happened to the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Lay awake all night wondering if there was a Dog.'
@MaxduPreez: 'Americans say things differently. "Gas" for "petrol", "elevator" for "lift", "presidential candidate" for "racist, sexist swine".'
@TheMarkTwain: 'We have the best government that money can buy.'
@Anonymous: 'When I asked for a smoking hot body, menopause was not what I had in mind.'
@Anonymous: 'Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.'
@greynomads: 'I have found a man never really knows the value of a woman's love... until he pays maintenance.'
Last word for all the editors of the world
'If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.' George Bernard Shaw